We got a new number on our agency wait list this month.  We are now family 48 on the total list waiting for a referral.  My initial  response is YAY!!  We are that much closer to bringing our little boy home.  The other part of me says, why does it have to take so long?  As I sit and think about this process , I think about how self-centered I am to make this adoption about me and my wait.
     Somewhere across the world a mother may be begging for just a few more days to be with her child before disease takes her body. A child may be spending the last night with a distant family member before being taken to an orphanage or even left on the street.  A father who has lost his wife may be coming to the realization that he cannot raise his children.....  All the while, I sit and wait and become frustrated with why the process is taking so long.  As human beings in our weak flesh, life is about us--our convenience, our plan, our schedule.   Even this call to adoption, if I am not careful can be easily turned into a focus on self and what I want. We even go so far in the adoption world to "special order" our orphans.  I want this age, this sex, I will take special need , I won't take special need... Oh Father how I beg for you to take ME out of this process. 
     You have called me to adoption.  You have called me to raise a child, that for some tragic reason his or her biological family cannot raise.  It is not about ME, my preferences or what would be convenient. It is about a child that needs a family.  A child that YOU love and have promised not to leave Fatherless.  As I sit and waste energy and time, being frustrated about my wait in the adoption world, my desire is that I will turn my waiting into praying.  Praying that this process will not be about me and my wants and conveniences, but that it will be all about bringing glory to you-even in the wait. 
     Instead of praying that we will move quickly up the adoption list and that our wait will soon be over,  I want to pray God's protection on HIS child that HE will allow me to raise in HIS perfect timing.  Because really, none of our children are our own.  They are God's children that HE has given to us for just a blink in the span of eternity.  Just as our children are God's before we raise them, my adopted child is not mine now.  He is God's.  I am so thankful that HE is charge of the timing and not me.  Father, thank you that you know and love my child even more than I ever can or will.  There is not a need that this child has that YOU cannot take care of. Somewhere down the road, I will get to be a part of meeting those needs for my adopted child, but in the meantime, I can rest in the peace that YOU love this child and can take care of this child beyond anything I could ever do.
      As we get farther along in this process, I am learning each and everyday to trust in God and not in my flesh.  How I want to snatch it back, even disguise it with fear and worry.  DailyI battle the flesh, making it about ME.  Slowly, slowly God is making process in my stubborn soul and teaching me to trust.  I am nowhere near where I need to be,  I still am frustrated, fearful, worried, and anxious everyday.  But slowly HE is chiseling away at my heart teaching me to trust HIM in this process.  Taking the ME out of this process and putting HIM in its place.